Can I just vent today?.....

I'm in a relationship with someone who i have waited to be with my whole life.  I love her with all of my heart and soul.  I love her so much it scares me.  I've NEVER been so afraid to lose someone.  I spoke to one of my friends who told me that if there was no fear coupled with my professed love then it wouldn't be real.  If you are afraid to lose them then that's real love.

I know things are not perfect between us and I guess that's because we've always been each others oasis and then we leave and go back to our normal lives without each other.  But now she is a part of my daily life and we do annoy each other and get on each others nerves and need space and are not all smiles all of the time.  But I am not used to this routine like life with her.  I guess my fantasy of what "we" would be like is much easier and carefree than the reality of the situation.  all that being said I still love her so much and am willing to work hard to make this work.  I can see myself growing old with her and even having children, something that I never would have thought about before.

I guess now that I am graduating and starting my adult life I am afraid and feel pressured for everything to be perfect when honestly it's not going to be.  But I have to admit I miss those days when i felt like nothing else in the world mattered, but us.  And the way she used to look at me and make me blush.  I just miss the honeymoon stage and I am not sure how to handle our relationship maturing.

And she doesn't communicate with me and is always sad looking so it makes me not want to bring up the fact that I just need to feel more loved.  I know she loves me you know what I mean?  I KNOW this, but I need to feel it and I just feel like she doesn't understand that.  I don't know how to make her understand.  I'm already under so much pressure with school, work, financial, and to add my relationship into the mix really sucks.....I know she can't read my mind, but sometimes I wish she could.  When I lay with her at night and fall asleep on her chest.......my heartbeat matching her heartbeat.......I'm always hoping she can feel what I need from her...........I don't think it ever happens.  She is the one.......I just want her to show me how she feels about me and not expect for me to just know.